Friday, July 26, 2019

Solved: Why Georgia can’t beat Alabama

From the pinky to the thumb, we have beat you like a drum.

For those of you in East Phenix City, that’s Five in a Row.

The reason why this is so has vexed Bulldog faithful since this streak started in 2008. The Georgia braintrust (snicker) went out and lured away the best defensive coordinator in the country as their head coach and well…

Even when Alabama looked down and out and beaten about, Georgia still lost and now finally… here’s the reason why.

This is the best sandwich in the state. 

Georgia… Seriously? Pimiento Cheese?

It’s not just that their best is what every fifth grader in the great State of Alabama (indeed, the rest of the nation) hated so much that they needed therapy for mommy issues later in life. It’s also that the damnable thing is made with plain ol’ white toast, and comes with Fritos corn chips.  Worst of all, you have to make it yourself. Right there. In the restaurant. In front of everybody.

Hey there, lil’ doggie… did your mommy also pack a few pitted prunes for your fruit snack? Skim milk too, right?

Alabama’s best makes Chick Fil A mildly jealous. Slow smoked for three hours, hand-separated, dunked with a spicy, tangy white BBQ sauce and topped with slaw. It’s Big Bob’s Chicken and it’s a world class champ, baby.

This is serious business. You take this lightly at your gravest peril, sir. You too, madam.

Bama’s other SEC foes don’t offer much better.

Mississippi offers up a pig’s ear sandwich (they really do eat everything but the oink).

Arkansas spoils golden catfish with fried baloney.

Unsurprisingly, Florida’s Cubano ain’t even American. Would the last Gator to leave please bring our flag?

At least Louisiana does it half right with a Po’ Boy but half wrong with the wrong restaurant (Mother’s owns everybody else).

My momma always said that you are what you eat, and we ain’t nothin’ but a winner.


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