Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Coach Saban’s process for the Depth Chart

By: @LivingCrimson

Depth Chart Houndstooth 8-29-11We can now share the actual evaluations used by Alabama’s coaching staff to determine if each player has proved *@!# yet. Revealed to us by a highly placed insider who felt Bama fans should understand the intensity of this year’s team. He swears what you are about to read is totally true – cross his heart and hope to walk all the way to the Superdome carrying the defensive line on his back.

Most likely to cause at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body:
Courtney Upshaw

His hits border on felonious assault, in a good way:
Mark Barron

The only player who can run his own interference:
Trent Richardson

Most likely to play the game like somebody just hit his mother with a two-by-four:
William Vlachos

The player who understands best that the will to win is closely linked with extreme contact:
Barrett Jones

Most likely to injure the cheerleaders on the sidelines by tossing around opposing players:
Cyrus Kouandjio

The player with the best imitation of a bulldozer:
DJ Fluker

His firm belief is that when it comes to football, God is prejudiced towards big and fast:
Jesse Williams

His hits show up on seismic graphs:
Nico Johnson

Most likely to exhibit speed and strength – least likely to register pain:
DeQuan Menzie

He knows that prayer works best when you don’t let the quarterback get hit:
Chance Warmack

If hitting is wrong, he doesn’t want to be right:
Jerrell Harris

The game isn’t over until he sees the teary-whites of their eyes:
Robert Lester

He was big when he was little – now he can take on the entire Big10, at once, and beat them like a drum:
Michael Williams

His bangs are self-aware and do not believe in timeouts:
A.J. McCarron

He just wraps his arms around the whole backfield and peels them one by one until he gets to the ball carrier. Him, he keeps.
Josh Chapman

He follows the motto “if winning isn’t everything, then why do they keep score?”
Phillip Sims

It’s better to give a lick than receive one:
Anthony Steen

The only player who can throw a pass to himself:
Marquis Maze

Able to leap tall defenders in a single bound. Look, up in the sky! It’s:
DeAndrew White

He would never set out to hurt anybody unless it’s really important, like a first, second, third or fourth down:
Brad Smelley

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. He knows it’s much more serious than that:
C.J. Mosley

I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that:
Dre Kirkpatrick

There’s no substitute for guts…and I’m here to steal their’s:
Damion Square

The road to New Orleans goes through their quarterback:
Dont’a Hightower

Congratulations to all the players who met Coach Saban’s rigorous standards and will face Kent State on Saturday.  Roll Tide!

Wallpaper depth chart here. Interactive depth chart at TideSports.


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