Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Santa Claus is moving to Siberia


Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, and scientists say that the North Pole is moving so... счастливого Рождества!
Magnetic north, the point on the planet’s surface toward which your conventional compass points, is created by the churning of molten metal in Earth’s core, which creates huge electrical currents to produce the magnetic field.

Commenting on the freshly-released magnetic north pole data, Dr. Ciaran Beggan, a geophysicist and geomagnetic specialist from the British Geological Survey’s Edinburgh office, told FT that although the movement of the pole has been “much faster” since the 1990s “than at any time for at least four centuries,” scientists “really don’t know much about the changes in the core that’s driving it.”

With the pole passing the Greenwich meridian and continuing its race east, humanity is entering the unknown, scientifically speaking, since, from the time records of the magnetic north pole’s position have been kept starting in the 16th century, the pole had drifted around the Canadian Arctic.
 The speed of the shift is expected to slow down, scientists say. But it has been moving between 40km and 55km annually.  No one appears to know where it will end up, or even if it will stop moving at all.

Does this all this have geopolitical implications? Of course it does.  Because? You guessed it--climate change.
The melting of the Arctic ice will have not only environmental impacts but geopolitical implications too. It will likely reveal enormous oil and gas reserves. And the Northern Sea Route now emerging is a transport corridor with huge commercial and military potential, shortening the route from Asia to Europe by 35-40 percent in comparison with the route via the Indian Ocean and the Suez Canal.

Few investors are currently looking for new resources very far north but as the ice melts, more and more energy companies are considering their options. Meanwhile, just this summer Venta Maersk became the first commercial container ship to complete a successful trip from Vladivostok to St Petersburg along the Northern Sea Route. Earlier in the year, Russian gas company Novatek shipped a cargo of LNG to China, taking just 19 days instead of the usual 35 that the Suez route takes. Navigable seas mean that Russia can export its own LNG much more easily and thus unlock supplies from its remote Siberian fields. This in itself is an immense economic opportunity for Moscow.

Climate change also means that the navigation period is getting longer. And for colder times Russia has an impressive fleet at its disposal: 40 icebreakers, including nuclear ones. Nuclear icebreakers are superior to their diesel-powered counterparts: they can cut through much thicker ice and are easier to manage as they do not need refuelling in the inaccessible north.

Russia is not alone in the Arctic, of course. The United States, Canada, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland, and Iceland all have territory that lies within the Arctic Circle. Yet other countries beyond these would like a piece of the pie, arguing that the Arctic belongs to nobody and that it is a “global commons.” China – nowhere near the Arctic – declared itself a “polar superpower” in 2014. In 2018 it issued its Arctic Policy, in which it vows to pursue its interests in the region. China is now investing in its fleet of icebreakers and intends to cooperate to build a “polar silk road.”
This makes perfect sense. Russia would like nothing better than to control the North Pole and annex Santa's workshop. Everyone knows that while Santa's workshop is at the North Pole and technically independent, he's outsourced actual manufacturing to China.

China just wants to make sure that any trade agreement they agree to will protect their trade route to Santa's workshop. Otherwise Russia, their centuries-long perennial rival to the north will gain total control of the Yuletide commercial enterprise that everyone's compass points to. We will all have to say 'Merry Christmas!" in Russian, or "счастливого Рождества!"


Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Police follow signs, raid drug house, arrest dumb dealers

From the You Can't Make This Up Dept comes this story of stupid criminals.

A local TV station went on a ride along for a drug raid and they didn't have to work hard to locate the knuckleheads.

All they had to do was follow the sign to the last house on the left.

This is real, y'all.


Mash here for the story and the video.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Another palate cleanser: What if face-to-face meetings went like conference calls?

Here’s a nice Monday palate cleanser for you. After a surprisingly crushing Seahawks victory and an impending recruiting haul for SEC (and certain ACC National Champ) teams, here’s something you’ll probably find eerily familiar.

To set the scene: A group of white-collar professionals assemble in an ordinary conference room, in order to hold a meeting on something that sounds important enough to warrant real time discussion. But in today’s distributed work environments, a lot of these real time discussions require conference calls.

Hilarity ensues. We have a guy who can’t (or won’t) stay on the connection, the barking dog from the work from home dude, echo problems and what not.

Over the last six months, I have been on dozens of conference calls. More than a few featured some of these annoyances. To have them all together in one well-made video: Priceless.

Enjoy!



Sunday, March 3, 2013

From time to time, The Bunker makes me LOL

And this is one of those times.

Y’all know The Bunker as that message board where Auburn fans who are as crazy as a basketball bat go to conspire against Alabama and rant against that juggernaut across the state. But from time to time, absolute internet GOLD comes from that joint, and this is one for the ages.

image

from OurDunmore.com
Ok, so I live in Daphne in a subdivision called Dunmore off 181. And some genius thought that creating a forum for neighborhood members would be neato. I thought it was pretty funny. Basically just people complaining about new construction, other neighbors grass, etc. There were a couple of funny posts. One about the exploding stray cat population. Another, and this was my favorite:
"My husband & I walk our dogs daily around the back part of the neighborhood (behind the pond). There is a gentleman that we see from time to time. He is always eating oranges, smoking tons of cigs, and hiding behind a tree talking on his cell phone. He also wears jogging type clothing even though he is not a jogger. He has a middle eastern accent and is talking in a different language. I noticed that his car always has an out of town tag. He also parks (2 story house farthest in the back) where he can get in his car & out in a hurry. Just concerned that this gentleman maybe up to no good. Don't understand why he would have to hide in the woods to talk on his phone????"
Being the smart ass I am, I made up an account (username: Dunmost, which I thought was funny) and replied:
"Definitely a terrorist. He does, after all, have a Middle Eastern accent. You should totally call Homeland Security. Or, better yet, just text Seal Team 6 next time he's around. I'm sure they'll take him out real quick like."
I then also created a new topic about how we should create a neighborhood militia to battle the impending zombie apocalypse. I referenced a few of the sillier posts.  I thought people would get a kick out of it. Now, understand, I did this this past December. It was the first post in months. So I go back today out boredom/curiosity. I see that my amazing, multi-paragraph post about the zombies is gone. My other post is still there.
So, I go to log back on and I'm told that I'm been banded. For, get this, ONE HUNDRED YEARS. Ha! Look, I know I'm an immature ass, but the douche who runs that board must have a stick way ole up the butt. I don't know if I was to send him an email and be really offended..or maybe over-the-top-apologetic? My other option is to create a new username (probably Dunmorer) and either decry the evil censorship on this site, maybe accuse them of being complicit with the government in covering up the impending zombie apocalypse. OR I could use Dunmorer to take the site of the moderator and post about how terrible that evil tramp Dunmost was.
Look...I obviously have too much time on my hands, I understand that. But any suggestions would be appreciated. Also, feel free to sign up for a name on OurDunmore.com. You just need an email address. No confirmation needed!

What happens next is HI-LARIOUS.

Be warned: Following that link is very much NSFW, as the Bunkerites have quite a bit of fun with a forum run by an anal rententive homeowner’s association leader who didn’t exactly think through the implications of opening it up for any and all to join.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Verne and Gary would like to wish you a Merry Christmas…

Via @SabanSays.

Here’s a nice early Christmas gift to all SEC fans.



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Friday, November 2, 2012

Banditref’s movie trailer is awesome

Via our friends at BamaHammer.com comes perhaps banditref’s best work, ever.



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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Oh no, LSU fans. You didn’t…

May I remind you corn dogs that Harvey Updyke is still free, still crazy and still lives in southern Louisiana.

So…

image

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

When Alabama visits Knoxville, this usually happens

I am growing tired of nervous nellies in the Bama Nation who are worried about Alabama’s upcoming visit to Neyland Stadium for the Annual Third Saturday in October clash.

Relax, folks. This is what usually happens.

Via @LivingCrimson.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Mischievous fans have fun with “Jim” Chizik’s Wikipedia page

image Almost anyone with internet access can write and make changes to Wikipedia pages. In most cases, the changes are meant to be informative. But from time to time, people with a penchant for mischief take the anonymity and freedom to new levels. Such has been the case with a parody page highlighting the career of Auburn football coach Eugene “Jim” Chizik.

Note that the real Gene Chizik Wiki page is here, and it isn’t locked from being edited anonymously. So the mischief extends from the parody page to the real one!

High comedy.

Eventually, the parody page will disappear and the genuine page will get locked, which means only certain credentialed individuals will have edit access.

Not to worry. We’ve got screen shots of the page and here are a few of the gems so far:

Per rumors, Chizik constantly spent time in his last season at Iowa State stating that no coach could ever win in Ames. He's successor, Paul Rhoads, won more games in his first season, six, then Chizik did in two seasons, five. Many Iowa State fans blame Chizik for bringing the program down a level and rightfully so. He had no success in Ames and Iowa State fans are thankful that he's gone and ruining another program now.

perrumors

Jim started out the 2012 season by losing in Atlanta to the Clemson Tigers to the score of 26-19. His Auburn Tigers currently sit at 1-4 on the year, with losses to Clemson, Mississippi State, LSU and now John L. Smith's Arkansas. The Tigers' only win of the season thus far is to the ULM Warhawks in overtime (31-28). The future of the Auburn football program is dismal. Jim and Scot Loeffler are currently on the hot seat for their abysmal coaching.

JimStarted

The mischief extends to offensive coordinator Scot Loeffler’s Wiki page, too:

Loeffler has single-handedly destroyed any progress Kiehl Frazier may have had.

This is why we love the internet, y’all.

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Monday, October 8, 2012

Video: Every college football fan in one sentence

Fantastic. NOC parodies every major college football fan with one sentence each.

This is the fastest 3:33 you’ll spend all day.

Don’t watch if you take yourself seriously.

My favorite is the segue from the ‘Cocks to the Beavers.



Helmet tap to Throw The Flag.

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Sunday, October 7, 2012

Early nominee for 2012’s GIF of the Season

North Carolina State knocked off No. 3 Florida State last night. The fans were elated over the upset, but none were more demonstrative than this fellow.

No word yet on the fate of the pole.

http://gif.mocksession.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/FAT-SHIRTLESS-NCSTATE-GUY.gif

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Thursday, September 27, 2012

It looks like Gus Malzahn made the smart move…

According to www.myteamisbetterthanyourteam.com.

My Team Is Better Than Your Team   The Transitive Property of College Football

Pretty cool website. There are ways of showing that almost any team is better than almost any other team, but the logic to get there is somewhat pretzel-ish.

The transitive property is a logical way of "proving" one team is better than the other by using the logic that if A is greater than B and B is greater than C, A must be greater than C.

It sometimes works out that way. But many times it doesn't. Otherwise, why play the games?

Yes, it’s lunchtime on a slow news day.

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Saturday, March 10, 2012

Beat writers, take note: Pushy reporter gets his due

Shoving a microphone into the face of an uncooperative subject is the quickest way for reporters to earn a bad rep.

Every now and then, one of the hacks gets his comeuppance, as this one does in the video below.



"Oh my GOD that hurt."

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