Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Dear SEC Media Days reporters: A few questions NOT to ask Nick Saban

imageBy many accounts, Alabama head football coach Nick Saban has cultivated a bit more finesse with the media since arriving in Tuscaloosa that bright January morning in 2007. Over the intervening years, he’s gone from being a short-fused incendiary device to an almost peaceful, yet still smoldering caldera.

With that in mind, and for those media members jamming the press room at the Wynfrey Hotel in Hoover this morning, here’s a short list of questions that you had damned well better stay away from.

  1. “Talk about the depth chart for the upcoming season.”
  2. “Will Duron Carter be able to play for you in 2012?”
  3. “What was your reaction to the Bobby Petrino scandal at Arkansas?”
  4. “How does the 2012 team compare to the 2010 team that was also coming off a BCS Championship?”
  5. “Is your home on Lake Burton for sale?”
  6. “Are you thinking of going back to the NFL anytime soon?”
  7. “Talk about the new NCAA oversigning rules.”
  8. “How will you manage the roster to accommodate all of the new incoming freshmen?”
  9. Anything related to how Phillip Ely might step in for a hypothetically injured AJ McCarron. In fact, avoid all hypotheticals. Nick Saban hates hypotheticals.
  10. Anything relating to Star Wars, Jedi Masters and Padawans.

You’re welcome, guys. It’s the least I can do to keep you from having the Sabanator rip off your head and urinate down your windpipe.

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