If the state of Mississippi football was a country, it would not be unlike the former Yugoslavia, now known as the Balkans. Millions (not many millions) of people who look just alike, speak with the same accent and view outsiders with suspicion are battling each other over religious allegiance to football programs.
The University of Southern Mississippi, aligned with C-USA, has entered the Billboard War by erecting its own fortification. Analysts believe it was designed to protect the northern flank against the two Southeastern Conference aggressors, Ole Miss and Mississippi State.
Alarmed by the escalating billboard violence, the NCAA has passed a resolution authorizing it to enforce long-standing legislation prohibiting such belligerence, and has begun deploying peacekeepers to the region.
No doubt they will be wearing the familiar light blue helmets emblazoned thusly:
Reportedly, the first action taken by the peacekeeping mission is to require one of the belligerents to remove a strategically placed fortification, located in the heart of Ole Miss territory and deemed too close to the home of innocents.
Two of the warring factions have recently undergone leadership changes. Former Southern Miss strongman Larry Fedora has fled into exile in North Carolina and was replaced by the equally ruthless Ellis Johnson. Meanwhile, Ole Miss staged a coup d'état and ousted the slippery Houston Nutt and installed Hugh Freeze, known for his brutally efficient offensive tactics. Only Mississippi State’s Dan Mullen has remained in power.
Mullen is widely believed to have initiated hostilities: