1. Everyone must have consumed the Morning Six Pack before beginning.
2. When Steve Spurrier reminds the audience that this is his 453rd SEC Media Days appearance, everyone has to rip off their shirt and chug a Coors beer.
3. If Clay Travis asks Barrett Jones if he’s still a virgin, everyone drinks and smacks Clay in the back of the head.
4. If Nick Saban devours a reporter for asking a dumbassed question, drink and holler: “Do you know how much I ****ing HATE these guys???”
5. If Les Miles says, “I think there's a view of a loss in a crossover game that it could be detrimental and not allow the best team to come into the championship game," you must yell “WTF did he just say?” and drink.
6. On James Franklin’s third question from reporters, drink.
7. Ditto Joker Phillips.
8. If a reporter whines on Twitter about internet bandwidth at the Wynfrey Hotel, block him and drink.
9. When Mike Slive repeats his claim that he can “get to 16 teams in 5 minutes,” drink until Florida State and Virginia Tech join the SEC.
10. When Gene Chizik complains that “we’re a very young football team,” drink and throw used Pampers Pull-Ups.
I thought about adding a rule for drinking after a reporter asks a subject to “talk a little about…” but with 1,100 credentialed media members in the joint, I don’t think the livers could handle the alcohol consumption rate.
Extra Points for Coach Speak Phrases:
- “We’re very excited.”
- “Looking forward to the challenge.”
- “Everyone is on the hot seat.”
- “We’re not the same team we were last season.”
- “We want to grow and get better each week.”
- “We have to figure out who we are and what we want to do.”
- “Have to have the right mindset, the right attitude.”