Monday, April 18, 2011

Dude, it’s like these totally organic harmonic natural frequencies.

Puff. Puff. Hold IN! Pass.

Let me caveat this post by saying that the recovery of Zac Etheridge—who years ago may have died on the field after suffering a horrendous neck injury—is nothing short of miraculous. Bama fans like to tease Auburn fans about the whole God thing, but Etheridge is legitimately the only barner who can truthfully say that God was on his side.

But this stuff sounds like 100% pure, virgin snake oil.

They are called "chips" -- tiny holographic patches worn on the skin at Chinese acupuncture points that, according to the company that supplied them to Etheridge, Sports With Alternatives To Steroids (S.W.A.T.S.), help the body maintain and replenish its energy supply.

Ross and his partners say they figured out a way to identify the frequency of any nutrient and embed it into their own patches. In theory, the human energy field can recognize the frequencies and cause the same chemical reaction inside the body as if those nutrients had been eaten.

This means that instead of an athlete having to eat a banana to get potassium to prevent cramping in the middle of a game, Ross says, an athlete could have the frequency for potassium on his or her skin in the chip and the body would respond as if it had been ingested.

Like, I’m totally in harmony, dude. Gnarly. Maybe these awesomely awesome guys have figured out the fountain of youth, or something.

It’s quite telling that the NFL and college football’s most NFL-like program have sent letters to the snake oil salesman SWATS pitchman and told him to stay the hell away from their people.